Let’s face it, most of the articles you may read on LinkedIn are really information junk, personal-development-captain-obvious tips.

What I’m going to reveal in this article is so great you’ll have to actually click this link to discover more.

Did you see ? Did you notice how I made you open this page ? I know it’s quite impressive.

But it’s just the beginning.

After the previous sentence above, you can type anything you want. Like “I’m having a darn good cake while writing this”. Because people will jump right to your list. But if you don’t add this little paragraph here, you’ll seem lazy. So go and find some Lorem ipsum on your own to put here.

1. Be Sure To Use 5 Bullet Points

Here is a little paragraph explaining the title. But it’s so obvious, that 87,6% of your “reader” (or scanner) will zap to the next bullet. And that’s the real magic. You just have to find 5 ideas to illustrate the point you already put in the main title.

Also you must add some stuff here, to make your article look bigger and more serious. The percentage above is good too for your image.

Your titles must have a kind of a pattern. But not too obvious. Just a simple pattern that you can break to surprise your audience.

2. Be Rude

Do not explain, or at least not scientifically. Just throw facts and ideas at the face of your idiot reader.

I know best.

Sentences like the above, short, rude, simple, are good for the general form of your article. I would even say “form-factor” (to add a buzz word in the page, very important for SEO)

 3. Be Vague Yet Specific

You see what I mean, do you ? Questions are good in an article. But I won’t explain why.

Why don’t you find it out by yourself ?

By the way, such a question in a piece is great, you make your audience think. They love to think. And don’t forget a good image too. Also talk about what everybody already know but can’t express. Not because it’s complicated. They don’t express it because it’s stupidly simple.

One thing you should not be vague about is your company or the product you are selling. Or yourself (which is your product). Because after all, who would spend a sunday writing LinkedIn articles just for fun.

4. Talk About LinkedIn

I’m tired but you get the idea : you should mention LinkedIn.

Well because, you know, executive and important people  who are bored at their office, just wandered around LinkedIn (it’s a famous fact). And if the spot an article talking about it, it’s like it was about THEM.

Words in capital letters are to be used but with caution. Note that I broke my title pattern. Just to make it more surprising.

5. Find a Last Useless Bullet

You are not a leader. But it’s a well known fact that LinkedIn is full of leaders. So your reader might be one of them.

And who knows, some of them might even read until this last paragraph. So just for them, as a special treat, do some name-dropping.

Just cite Gandhi or Steve Jobs : “Do what you need to do what you want”. With the right typographic effect it’ll do.

You can even put words in bold or say the same idea twice. Your article is now ready to be crossed published on every social network of the planet. Don’t forget to link some words to interesting pages. Pages talking about YOU for example.

 

As a conclusion, just ask some random question. Or if you have a very very low esteem, just ask to reshare your page. It’ll do. Nobody reads to here. They are already reading the next random-generated-auto-written-nonsense offered to them.

And you ? What will you cook tonight ?